Here and Now
by Violent-Tendencies
Summary: Shounen-ai,het; one-shot. What is love? Define it with chains. What it truth? Show hideous stains. But what is death? Only one gains. If you stay, tell me what remains.


VT: Hello everyone! I know I should be writing my birthday fic, but... I want to say that I have writer's block, but I really don't. -.- I just really don't want to write the last chapter yet. Yay for procrastination! ::Happy dance:: Anyway, I conjured this one up last night. Enjoy!

WARNING: This fic contains some het (ew) and light shounen-ai. It's an one-sided affair between Yami and his hikari; you have been warned. BUM BUM BUM!!

DISCLAIMER: No tengo Yuugi-ou porqué Señor Takahashi no te gusta me. Lloro cuando lo pienso.

Quote(s) of the Hour:

Yuugi looked up as Yami came back into their room, a wide grin on his face. "That wasn't very long. How's Jounouchi?"  
"Getting a check-up from Kaiba."  
The hikari smiled, giving his yami a questioning look. "Check-up? Or just tonsil hockey?"  
Yami just shrugged. "Call it what you will."  
-Suicide Chronicles: Katsuya Jounouchi  


_

* * *

_

_Here and Now_

It's a beautiful area. I would expect nothing less for them, for Anzu, for Yuugi.

Yuugi.

At times, that very name haunts me. And though I pretend to feel nothing, my heart lurches every time I see them together. I know I'm being selfish. But in all honesty, I can't help it. He's my partner, my light, my soul... just, not mine.

After all, I'm his darkness: his downfall. That is the reason I promised that I would protect him no matter the treacheries. I will not taint my precious hikari. I am not a lecherous scoundrel like Bakura's dark side. I have my morals and beliefs and dignity. I just, don't have Yuugi.

I don't deserve him anyway. What could I possibly give him? I can bear no children, I know not how to operate a stove, and I cannot give him happiness. I think that is what pains me the most. I could love him with every fiber of my being, and he would never return a fraction of my feelings. But I'll settle, like I always have. I will be his friend and guardian and watch him from afar.

But there's so much more to it too. Perchance he does love me, what then? Drag him into the misery of the puzzle? Curse him with the constant plague of my confusion? I've already held him back long enough, causing him to risk his life countless times. Is it not time that I set him free of my bonds?

So why can't I?

Believe me when I say that I want to. With all my heart I do. I just-- can't.

Yuugi means everything to me. If I lose him, what have I left? I'm being selfish again. But that's positively the norm now. That and my lust. It was just last night that I was watching him sleep. Watching his quiet slumber after the many trials of the day. His eyes peacefully shut; tenuous lips slightly parted, permitting him air; his face, as always defying the gods with it's immortal beauty. And as I watched, I was overcome with an urge to touch, to feel. I wanted my hikari's skin beneath my own.

But to taint such innocence?

Never such an atrocity will be committed!

Until now.

I reached out, knowing full well my sin. But as my hand descended upon his visage, I realized that I had no sensation of any such thing. This became more obvious as time went on. I could not congratulate him with a handshake, nor I could comfort him with a hug, I could not even give him a good night kiss. So sure that this was hell, I remained in the puzzle for days on end. Then Yuugi, being the kind soul he is, visited me whilst I was grieving in my prison. It was at that moment that Yuugi reached out and embraced me. And Ra knows that I had never felt such joy in my life. Instantly, I wrapped my arms around him and thanked him for seeing me.

He never realized the nature behind my relapses: luring him closer to me, be it better that way. In this way, it seemed that he and I were no different from each other while dwelling in the puzzle. With this newly found information, I concocted a horrendous plan. Since I could not be with Yuugi in the outside world, I would make him mine inside the walls of our Millennium Item.

It was simple enough. I would mislead his naive soul, trapping him in my corridors. From there, I would have my way with him. It would have been that very night.

Fortunately, Yuugi brought me to my senses before I defiled his soul. I had set out to invite Yuugi into the puzzle when he startled me, "Yami, can I ask you something?"

Temporarily forgetting my plan, I inquired as to what was troubling him. "How do you know when you're in love?" he interrupted. The suddenness of the question startled me, but I was not inert for long.

I caught his gaze and held it as best I could, "You know you're in love when you can look that person and know that you want to be with them forever. When you would do anything and everything to ensure their happiness. When you are willing to die so that they may live." I felt myself move closer to him as I watched him intensely. "When you can see tomorrow in their eyes."

At this, Yuugi looked down and moved away. "Then...," he began, "then I think I'm in love with Anzu."

It was then that the mighty Pharaoh, Yami Yuugi, Darkness, and Atemu all died again. I would rather have served eternity in the Realm of Shadows then ever have to hear those words again. Regrettably, they play over and over again in my mind, haunting my very existence.

"Oh," was the only intelligible response that was at my disposal. He then thanked me for my help and went off on his way.

It is a cruel joke that Fate plays on me. Making me desire only what I cannot have. But I do suppose it is my own fault that I am doted on in such a manner. For I have escaped her grasp many a time, only to have my very soul stripped away to nothing.

As I stand here, next to Jounouchi at the altar, I like to believe that I played some role in Yuugi's newly found happiness. That I gave Yuugi the courage to speak to her, that I gave him the strength to put up with her, that I gave him the love that he gives to her; it keeps me from rotting away on the inside.

As his best man, I get to speak to the bride, "Take good care of him, Anzu," because I no longer can.

The ceremony continues, and Yuugi looks brightly into her eyes and says those two little words: I do.

I turn away so that I cannot see their final kiss.You know, I was right when I gave Yuugi that advice; it was regrettably the best thing I ever did in my life.

_I had to die so that Yuugi could live._

_-x-Owari-x-_

* * *

VT: W00T! There you have it. A random thinger by me! Did anyone notice it was an American style wedding? Anyway, I hope that made sense, especially the last part (Yami's dying on the inside). ::Cough:: I strongly dislike Yuugi/Anzu, so I'm afraid that I may have rushed through it. Please tell me if I did. Oh and one more thing:

Yami and Yuugi: ::Are dogs in heat::

VT: Um...I was going to have Yuugi say-

Yuugi: _OH GOD YAMI!_

VT: Well, that works too. ...Please review! :D


End file.
